I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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