i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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