I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
