I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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