Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
