Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
