Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
