The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
