I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
