I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
