he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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