In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
