dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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