Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
