Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
