Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
