Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
