Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
