I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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