Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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