Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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