I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
