If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
