were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
