Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
