i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the condom got lost in my hair
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
