Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
