as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
