cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
