Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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