Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
