It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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