Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
