Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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