Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize