Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
