I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize