Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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