my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize