he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
