Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
