The maid of honor just puked.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
