Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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