do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
