we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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