There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
