Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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