I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
