Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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