i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i dont even know how to be here
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
