Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
