Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
