I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
