Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize