Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
