Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
