Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
