I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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