I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
