when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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