exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
