I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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