They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
