Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
