Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
