At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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