the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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