I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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