I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
