The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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