I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
