is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can't put those talents on a resume
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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