I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
