I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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