I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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