i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
