sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
