I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize