so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
