I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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