IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
