he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
