dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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