He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
