It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
