I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
