I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
