You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
