How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
