I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
