wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
