Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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