I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
