I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
