If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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