did you get engaged???
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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