I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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