shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
