Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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